What is Unconditional Love?
First of all, unconditional Love has nothing to do with romance, emotions or feelings; which are based on the whims of the ego. Human nature is dominated by the ego, which wants to use people to make itself feel better. It is like a little kid squeezing a cat, not for the wellbeing of the cat, but because it feels so soft and furry. It is subject to change anytime it perceives a threat. The ego can easily hate a former lover. It constantly reacts to ever-shifting circumstances. The ego pursues its own survival above all else and is preoccupied with the search for safety and personal comfort, often at the cost of another. The ego is not interested in win/win as much as just winning at any cost. Therefore, it is entirely incapable of unconditional love for another.
Unconditional Love is divine in nature, which is not capable of capriciousness (whimsical change), it can’t be turned on or off like a faucet. Love, the Constant of the Universe, metaphorically like our Sun, continuously radiates warm energy regardless of overcast skies beneath. Love can never hate. If one “hates” a previous lover, it reveals conditional love, a lack of maturity, never having unconditionally loved that person, but unconsciously using him or her to feel good. Love never dies. Love can never be earned or lost. Love is a constant because it is a quality of God.
At one of our book studies, we discussed the various qualities of love. The English language is poorly equipped to cover the varying expressions of love. Greek does an excellent job. There are as many as 6 types of love outlined in Greek:
Philia – which is the root word for Philadelphia, the city of “brotherly love” which is when you have your friend’s back, no matter what, no giving up, perhaps best understood among veterans of war, the love and willingness to die for their buddies.
Ludus – playful love, like infatuation and flirtatious advances that is experienced in the early playful stages of a relationship.
Eros – is used to describe the passionate type of love experienced between spouses or life partners, beyond the ludus phase, where couples truly grow together.
Pragma – a very mature love for one another that is experienced after many years of marriage or committed relationship. It is very patient and understands how to make compromises to preserve a healthy, harmonious relationship. It focuses on giving rather than receiving love.
Philautia – self-love, not narcissistic, but that of a healthy self-esteem.
Agape – selfless love, disinterested benevolence, not focused like a flashlight but like the omni-directional radiance of the sun, giving without expecting anything including being loved in return. This type of love is continuous, everlasting, and best describes unconditional love. Agape has divine qualities about it, eternal, unchanging. It cannot be earned or lost.
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